Written by Chris Magyar
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
There’s an issue with kids these days. Jeff Pilchiek sees it in the Westlake High School upperclassmen he counsels on college admissions. “These are kids who don’t
want to get rejections,” he says. “In the past, we’d just apply to schools and hope, but the student today is scared of rejection because they haven’t had much of that in their lives.”
This might not invoke much sympathy from the grow-from-your-failures generation, but it’s an attitude that’s been encouraged by state law. In the 12 years since the top 10 percent law (HB 588) was passed, The University of Texas at Austin (along with the other public state universities) has guaranteed admission to all in-state applicants who graduate in the top 10 percent of their high school classes. In 2008, HB 588 alone accounted for 76 percent of UT-Austin’s freshman class. Projections showed that the campus would be entirely occupied by HB 588 admissions within a decade. The school had, according to UT President William Powers Jr., “lost control”
of its admissions process.
(more…)
30/09
Written by Chris Magyar
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
1. America has an endless supply of plastic bags, but they’re very, very fragile, so be sure to place just one or two items in each bag. Is the one item in there kinda heavy? Like, more than a pound? Double bag it. America can make more!
2. Socks — all socks — belong in the same aisle as feminine undergarments. Choose quickly, fellas!
3. It is possible for fish in a tank to look depressed.
4. The ideal shopping cart size is Hummer.
5. There are three kinds of employees on the floor: janitors, managers, and the bored guy in the cell phone kiosk who actually works for Sprint, he swears, don’t ever say he works at Wal-Mart when he’s working his magic on a lady at the club. All other employees are relegated to the front of the store for checking out, greeting, and security. In this way, Wal-Mart is not unlike a heavily fortified and beleaguered castle just after a devastating plague.
6. You will save a nickel or two on most things you buy. Lean Cuisines, however, are way more expensive than the grocery store. This is what economists call “supply and demand and taking advantage of a captive audience.”
7. Normal people shop at Wal-Mart all the time.
8. Normal people opt for the handicapped scooter option all the time.
9. If a man in the guns and ammunition aisle is wearing all-camo fatigues, for your own safety, assume he’s off-duty military and move on.
10. Star Trek action figures? For actual kids?
11. If you want to check out the cover of this week’s Sports Illustrated, you’re going to have to wait for that guy to finish looking at Mini Truckin’ Magazine. And, judging by the girl in the bikini on the cover, it’s going to be a while.
12. Your dog doesn’t care where you shop, as long as you get the fuck home already.